FourteenTen♥

I didnt said it was your fault ♥ I.L.Y; Dumb-ass I only said i was going to blame you for it.
Sunday, April 12, 2015 / 3:42 AM Vulnerable. Vulnerable. That's what i am. Someone who breaks down over every little thing, someone who gets affected over small things. Someone who gets moody over small matters. And no, i don't wanna be that girl anymore. I gotta stop this shit, i gotta stop being sooo easily broken. Im gonna stop, and this time, it's for real. No, i aint gonna be that girl who gets affected over small matter, not anymore. I'm gonna slowly build up walls, and slowly strengthen my heart. All these while, i was my own pillar of strength. I do have my bestfriends, and family. But they dont know exactly what i'm going thru. So, all these while, it has always been myself. I am my own pillar of strength. I give myself strength when i lost all my hope, when i lost my own trust, when i lost faith in myself, when i stopped believing in myself. I had no one. I lost that someone whom i called, 'my everything', or 'my world'. It has to stop. I lost him once, and i lost myself too. I am never gonna let that happen, not anymore. I dont wanna care about who i lost now, i am only gonna care about who's staying with me, and i am only gonna care about myself. I'm sorry i'm selfish, but i think it's time for me to seek my own happiness. I think it's time for me to love myself better, better than anyone else. And love myself more, more than anyone else. That's all that matter now. I dont wanna care so much about people who dont even give two shits about me. Because i dont wanna get hurt anymore, i dont wanna get broken, i dont wanna lose myself once again. I've had enough, and it's time for me to get back up. This time round, stronger and wiser. Bismillah.. :) Saturday, June 21, 2014 / 3:34 AM Im tired.. Im really tired.. I need someone to give me fullest attention.. I need someone to give me fullest love, fullest care.. I need someone to guide me.. Im just a kid who's lost.. Who's broken.. Who's useless and burden to everyone.. I need someone to understand me.. 😔 saddens me each time i know people cant handle me.. 😔 im tired.. Im really tired.. Wednesday, June 11, 2014 / 12:02 PM They say that love is forever, your forever is all that I need. Please stay, for as long as you need. I can't promise that things wont be broken, but I swear that I will never leave. Please stay, forever with me. I was at my lowest, since last week. I was at my lowest for the year, after so long not feeling like this. I feel so shitty, i feel so pissed, i feel so useless, i feel like my life is not worth anymore. I was on the verge of leaving everyone, and live with myself, not here, but up there. Things in my life, have been going from bad to worst. I am the type of girl who constantly needs attention, love and care. I wont ask for much, just these three, I need to see my partner making efforts. Because i can't be the only one making efforts. I am tired, tired of everything. I just want happiness. Happiness with my partner, is all i could ever ask for. Is it that hard to fulfil it for me? I don't even understand why. Other couples can resolve their problems, why cant we? Im just so upset, too upset with everything that is happening in my life. Every single thing. I have never imagined it would turn out this way. :( Monday, June 9, 2014 / 2:15 AM Sunday, March 9, 2014 / 1:06 AM Don't give up on love. ♥ When things get rough, be patient. Go with the flow, and things will eventually, get better. Time check: 12.49am. And i'm still awake. Well actually, i'm kinda sleepy. But i chosed to stay up for a lil' while, just to update my blog hehe. Well, just in the mood to do so :) And so, this week has been a rough week for me. And maybe, for boyfriend too. We had a fight, early this week. And thank God, things got better now. I guess my prayers were granted. Alhamdulillah :) Things really went smoothly. I felt happier now. Things are really getting better. I could feel the love from him, once again. :) To be honest, this is the feeling that i've been wanting, and hoping for. And now, i'm back to feeling this way. Alhamdulillah! I felt really loved when he gets worried over little things (like when i'm tired, when i dont shower aft work, when i dont eat during break) and when he actually bought me food, because he knows i'll be hungry/ It's really thoughtful and sweet of him to do so. Thank you sayang! What makes me feel more loved is when he said, whenever i come in to the kitchen, whenever he sees my face, his mood will get better, and he wont be moody anymore. Really, really makes me happy to hear that. Because thats what i wanna hear/ hehe. Really glad to know that he's fine, when i'm around. I really hope he'll get used to the environment, and to the job. And InsyaAllah, our pay will be enough for the both of us. Amin ya rabb! Dear, i know it's hard for you to cope with this because it's your first time working and you dont have much freedom and free time. But it's okay sayang. Things will eventually get better, and all this will be worth it. InsyaAllah it will dear. Endure for a lil' bit. You'll get a better and hopefully, easier job, as soon as you get your license. :) Dear, thank you for everything. For the affection that you've been giving me these few days/ This is what i need the most sayang. Affection from you. The way you show that you care, the way you show that you need me, and the way you show that you'll be by my side.. It really makes me melt. Really heart warming, and really make me happy. Makes me love you more, dear. ♥ Really sweet to know that you've been doing all this for me. When you wanna walk home with me, i felt really tired, but because i want us to have more time together, and because i want us to talk about anything and everything while on our way home, i'd agree to walk home with you. Despite the tiredness. :) I like the part when you make sure that i'll sleep, then you'll sleep. And make sure that i eat, and then you'll eat. That's really sweet dear. ♥ And i like the part when you really wanna tell me story so i could fall asleep. And that you'll accompany me till i fall asleep. Really, really sweet. And thank you for buying cempedak for me just now. And that's quite a lot for me. Thank you sayang, you're just too sweet. ♥ Dear, i really hope things will remain this way. Because i love the way it is right now/ I love everything about us now. It's really nice to see us like this dear. I've always been wanting to feel this way. Thank you for making me feel loved, needed, and cared for. Thank you for making me happy again. Thank you for everything. I love you, so much. ♥ Goodnight sayang, and have a good rest. See you tomorrow dear! And here's to manymany more weeks of working together with you hehe ♥♥♥♥ Sunday, March 2, 2014 / 12:12 PM When? When was the last time my man complimented me? When was the last time my man tells me im beautiful, randomly? When was the last time he made me feel beautiful even when i showed him my bare face and messy hair? When was the last time he makes me feel beautiful and stop my insecurities? When was the last time he made me feel secured? When was the last time he keeps his eyes off other girls and just stare at me and thinks, "dear you're so beautiful.." When was the last time he ignore my flaws and instead, compliment me with positive words? When was the last time he said, "you look beautiful no matter what you wear." When? When was the last time he made me feel like i'm the only beautiful lady(except the ladies in his fam) in his heart, his mind and his eyes? When? When was the last time all this happened? Nah, i can't remember. It was long ago. Almost a year. So disappointed. What am i to him? A girlfriend, or just an ordinary girl/maid? No really, what am i? Why did he stopped making me feel beautiful? What did i do to deserve all this? I feel uglier each day. I've got no one to reassure me that i'm beautiful. Hate everything that's happening in my life. I dont feel belonged anymore. I feel dumb. I dont feel like im me anymore. Everything sucks for now. Urgh. / 12:44 AM Not a good start to march either :( Bismillah.. Not a good start to March either :( Feeling all sick and weak since morning. Kinda regretted leaving the house, but at the same time ended the day well. Ate 4 panadols today, but the headache just wont go away. Runnynose is getting worser, and i really dont know what i should do.. :( Earlier part of the day, i was reallyreally upset. Because eventhough i was so weak and sick, i made an effort to accompany my man. But not a single "thank you" or any appreciation from him. So disappointed. :( When will i ever feel appreciated? :'( And i got really upset when he scolded me instead. He's not helping, at all. Instead he made everything worst. I thought he would try to understand, try to change, and try to appreciate things i'm doing. But nope. Seems like everything i said to him, nothing goes into his head. Disappointed. :( But things got better when i ate panadol. I became a lil' bit energetic and we started talking as per normal. Eventhough i was kinda annoyed most of the times but well, he's my boyfriend. I shall just accept the fact that he's annoying and love his flaws. :) And then we went cycling at ecp. Eventhough we kinda regret renting the bike for 3hrs. Haha. Still had fun though :) Thank you for the day dear, eventhough it was sucha rough day for me. Really hope you'll change, accept and love my flaws, try to understand, and make extra effort. So that things will get better in this rs. Don't worry, i'll try my best to do the same too. It's time for us to learn about each other even deeper. I'm sorry for everything. And this post is never meant to hurt your feelings, but it's just meant for you to realise what you did that hurts me. I'm sorry if it hurts your feelings dear. Hope you'll understand. And please stop scolding me unreasonably. It hurts me so badly. And stop pointing out my flaws. You're supposed to love them, as much as i love your flaws. I'm sorry. :( And you're not back yet. I feel like dying here. I just need you but too bad you cant stay home with me. I wish we could. Sigh. I hope you'll reach home safely. Goodnight dear, i love you.	Yours truly, Nur Amalina Bte Abdul Razak♥; Muhd Azli Bin Rahim♥ FourteenTen♥ Turning seventeen♥ You're the one i need, you're the one i want, you're the one i love. 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